just not that into you?

There are so many reasons I should just call this Ter thing off for good. We have butted heads so much. In the past, he has hurt my feelings and I have hurt his. Why do I try? I don’t know. We seem to want the same things. We get along good for the most part. But he is so opinionated about certain things. And very paranoid about others. He asked me the other day why I was even interested in him. He even asked me if I was desperate! I am trying to give him a chance. He may be blowing it for himself.

So last weekend I decided I would bring Stella and stay with him Saturday night. Mostly because staying at PC is not an option for him. We actually had a good time. Minus the 4 hours I sat watching TV by myself as he slept. I understand he is on a completely different schedule. When I asked him what time I should come, he was the one that said noon. I could have waited until he had his afternoon nap. As I sat there in an uncomfortable chair watching random movies I even thought of packing up and sneaking back home.

So as I slept in until nearly ten, Ter did his thing. Played on the computer, watched TV, etc. As soon as I got up he took me to his computer room. We looked at houses. Houses for sale in the area. I played along and showed him the ones I liked. Sure I would love to buy a different house. Ter would be lucky to sell his for what he owes on it. PC is payed for, I have 100% equity.

He said he wouldn’t even think about buying a different house with someone without one requirement. Marriage. That’s one big step. To be honest, I don’t think he even has the energy to get his house ready to put on the market. We will have to see. His work just cut his overtime so he has a couple extra hours to his day.

I mentioned something (joking) in a text today, that I would have liked breakfast in bed Sunday morning. He texted back…what is this dogging my ass all about? I didn’t really expect breakfast in bed. What I do expect is a little appreciation for going out of my way and spending alot of money on food so we could have a nice dinner and watch Secretariat on DVD.

So on the phone tonight he was talking summer and bike riding. On his motorcycle. He would like to drive around going to different covered bridges in the area. Sounds like fun. But knowing him, he will make a big production of it, inviting friends along. After last falls “organized” ride, where we went to another “club” in the area, I am not so sure I am interested in a “friends” ride. Why is it he thinks he needs others? He says safer in a group. Understood to a point. But why can’t we just get on the bike and go without any particular destination?

Am I am just settling? I was totally in love with D last year at this time. The kind of head-over-heels, happiest time in my life type of feelings that I always thought love was supposed to be. In the end, it was one of the most darkest times in my life.

I just want to be happy. With someone. I hate being alone… I am not sure I can fall in love with Ter. Certainly not that fairy tale type of love.

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